Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.

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(201): remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal. http://tfl.nu/yu6k

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(301): View more from Maryland

Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.

(1-301): View more from Maryland

I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.

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(301): Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me. (1-301): I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom. http://tfl.nu/1oh9

Replies (39) Good night (3095) Bad night (575)
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(205): View more from Alabama

why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?

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(205): why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!? http://tfl.nu/xjgi

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(316): View more from Kansas

how do we leave politely?

(1-316): View more from Kansas

Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.

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(316): how do we leave politely? (1-316): Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke. http://tfl.nu/9vnx

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(931): View more from Tennessee

How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??

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(931): How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"?? http://tfl.nu/pyr1

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(419): View more from Ohio

My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.

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(419): My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day. http://tfl.nu/rvy5

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(914): View more from New York

just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

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(914): just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic. http://tfl.nu/5aat

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(312): View more from Illinois

Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday

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(312): Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday http://tfl.nu/xsly

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(616): View more from Michigan

Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.

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(616): Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed. http://tfl.nu/ew4t

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(618): View more from Illinois

Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.

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(618): Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually. http://tfl.nu/s8ua

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(602): View more from Arizona

Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.

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(602): Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side. http://tfl.nu/uoi7

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(916): View more from California

Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.

(1-916): View more from California

Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.

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(916): Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER. (1-916): Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt. http://tfl.nu/8glr

Replies (4) Good night (1531) Bad night (336)
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(817): View more from Texas

I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?

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(817): I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help? http://tfl.nu/m7i3

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(914): View more from New York

low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..

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(914): low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen.. http://tfl.nu/o2yv

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(818): View more from California

I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.

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(818): I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful. http://tfl.nu/482k

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