I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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