Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
