am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
