Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
