She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
