Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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