Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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