he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I touched a dick in church today
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
