She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
