oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
