Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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