i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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