he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
