Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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