i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
