my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
