You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
