Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
