My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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