I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
