how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
