he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
