He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize