i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize