she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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