I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
