I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
