I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
