No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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