Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
