If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
