It's Friday. Sex?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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