I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
