I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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