mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
