There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
