We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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