apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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