We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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