i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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