I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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