im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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