How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am one with the molecules
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
