yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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