I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
