your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
