Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
