i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
