Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
