good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
