Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
