Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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