my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
