alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
