I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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